Flood insurance? No Problem!

Buy by the sea, by the sea, by the beautiful sea ...

Facade - Personal front that wears thin quickly in real estate transactions.

Fee - Sound followed by "fie, fo, fum", and uttered by seller when paying commission.

Financial Statement - "I haven't got a pot to piss in".

Fixed Assets - Little stupid people imbedded in cement.

Flat Lease - Rental agreement for apartment in Britain.

Fractional Appraisal - Legal term for "low ball".

Functional - An absentee owner with I.Q. of 101.

Gable Roof - Covering on Clark's home.

Gain - Progress made in real estate negotiation.

Good Faith - Believing in acts of god.

Green Belt - Real estate martial arts degree attained by knocking out the most competitors.

Gypsum - Building material used by itinerant mountain people in Romania.

Habitable - Prone to repetition.

Half-bath - Moderate clean-up before going out to look at property on Sunday mornings.

Heater - Hot disagreement that begins usually in basement and escalates throughout house.

Hot Tub - Obese broker or client who is oversexed.

House Rules - No tasting porridge, sitting in rockers or sleeping in owner’s bed.

I-beam - Long straight stare extending between buyer and engineer when structural needs are discussed.

Implied Contract - "Spend tonight with me and I'll buy you any house you want."

Incurable Depreciation - Ravages of broker's physical decline that cannot be surgically corrected.

Inheritance Tax - Small steel pins used to hold newly acquired cash against cork board.

Investment Credit - Pat on the back or public acknowledgement when you make a killing on a real estate sale.

Jeopardy - Real estate question and answer game that prepares all concerned for at-risk-rules of buying and selling.

Junior Lien - Your child hustling you for money long after age 21.

Key Lot - Large boxes of keys catalogued in broker's office.

Lally Column - Long upright prop that licks the gravitational sags in buildings and pops some stability in.

Land - To procure at low cost a piece of property.

Legal Name - Any name ending with `Esquire'.

Legal Rate of Interest - Time it takes for attorney to respond to your request that he/she represent your case.

Lot line - “You can build out and up as far as you like.”

Margin - Tiny amount of profit remaining after monies from closing are spent on debt service.

Market area -Local mall.

Meander lines - “Let’s have a beer first, then go look at the property, then have dinner.”

Mistake - Error always blamed on broker.

Minor partition - Small area of real estate office fenced off for childcare.

NAR - Negative answer in the Tennessee area.

NAA - Negative response in Virginia.

Natural resources - Trust funds.

Net yield - Catch of the day.

Off-site costs - Facials, massages, body wraps, etc.

Operating expenses - Drugs, anaesthesia, nursing staff, surgical room, etc.

Origination fee - Monies paid to attorneys for green cards.

Paper - Used to write down punch list.

Partition - Office division between commercial and residential sales.

Passive income - Monies earned from Relo referrals.

Payback period - Time for revenge.

Planning commission - The first thing brokers do after getting an offer and acceptance.

Progress statements - “He saw something he liked today”, “They might make an offer”, “They want the in-laws to see it”.

Puffing - Manner of speech of corporation cock.

Queen Anne House - Buckingham Palace.

Range lines - Architectural markings for kitchen stove.

Realist - One who understands that most showings come to naught.

Reciprocal interest - "You show me yours and I'll show you mine".

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