(F - R)
© Paula Hollins 2000
located at paulahollinsdesigns.com
Sampling continued... a few more re-definitions and...
Flood insurance? No Problem!
Buy by the sea, by the sea, by the beautiful sea ...
Facade - Personal front that wears thin quickly in real estate transactions.
Fee - Sound followed by "fie, fo, fum", and uttered by seller when paying commission.
Financial Statement - "I haven't got a pot to piss in".
Fixed Assets - Little stupid people imbedded in cement.
Flat Lease - Rental agreement for apartment in Britain.
Fractional Appraisal - Legal term for "low ball".
Functional - An absentee owner with I.Q. of 101.
Gable Roof - Covering on Clark's home.
Gain - Progress made in real estate negotiation.
Good Faith - Believing in acts of god.
Green Belt - Real estate martial arts degree attained by knocking out the most competitors.
Gypsum - Building material used by itinerant mountain people in Romania.
Habitable - Prone to repetition.
Half-bath - Moderate clean-up before going out to look at property on Sunday mornings.
Heater - Hot disagreement that begins usually in basement and escalates throughout house.
Hot Tub - Obese broker or client who is oversexed.
House Rules - No tasting porridge, sitting in rockers or sleeping in owners bed.
I-beam - Long straight stare extending between buyer and engineer when structural needs are discussed.
Implied Contract - "Spend tonight with me and I'll buy you any house you want."
Incurable Depreciation - Ravages of broker's physical decline that cannot be surgically corrected.
Inheritance Tax - Small steel pins used to hold newly acquired cash against cork board.
Investment Credit - Pat on the back or public acknowledgement when you make a killing on a real estate sale.
Jeopardy - Real estate question and answer game that prepares all concerned for at-risk-rules of buying and selling.
Junior Lien - Your child hustling you for money long after age 21.
Key Lot - Large boxes of keys catalogued in broker's office.
Lally Column - Long upright prop that licks the gravitational sags in buildings and pops some stability in.
Land - To procure at low cost a piece of property.
Legal Name - Any name ending with `Esquire'.
Legal Rate of Interest - Time it takes for attorney to respond to your request that he/she represent your case.
Lot line - You can build out and up as far as you like.
Margin - Tiny amount of profit remaining after monies from closing are spent on debt service.
Market area -Local mall.
Meander lines - Lets have a beer first, then go look at the property, then have dinner.
Mistake - Error always blamed on broker.
Minor partition - Small area of real estate office fenced off for childcare.
NAR - Negative answer in the Tennessee area.
NAA - Negative response in Virginia.
Natural resources - Trust funds.
Net yield - Catch of the day.
Off-site costs - Facials, massages, body wraps, etc.
Operating expenses - Drugs, anaesthesia, nursing staff, surgical room, etc.
Origination fee - Monies paid to attorneys for green cards.
Paper - Used to write down punch list.
Partition - Office division between commercial and residential sales.
Passive income - Monies earned from Relo referrals.
Payback period - Time for revenge.
Planning commission - The first thing brokers do after getting an offer and acceptance.
Progress statements - He saw something he liked today, They might make an offer, They want the in-laws to see it.
Puffing - Manner of speech of corporation cock.
Queen Anne House - Buckingham Palace.
Range lines - Architectural markings for kitchen stove.
Realist - One who understands that most showings come to naught.
Reciprocal interest - "You show me yours and I'll show you mine".
If you are interested in obtaining a copy of the entire SurReal Estate Malaproptionary, click here > PhD