SurReal Estate Malaproptionary
(F - R)
© Paula Hollins 2000

located at

Sampling continued... a few more re-definitions and...

Flood insurance? No Problem!
Buy by the sea, by the sea, by the beautiful sea ...

Facade - Personal front that wears thin quickly in real estate transactions.

Fee - Sound followed by "fie, fo, fum", and uttered by seller when paying commission.

Financial Statement - "I haven't got a pot to piss in".

Fixed Assets - Little stupid people imbedded in cement.

Flat Lease - Rental agreement for apartment in Britain.

Fractional Appraisal - Legal term for "low ball".

Functional - An absentee owner with I.Q. of 101.


Gable Roof - Covering on Clark's home.

Gain - Progress made in real estate negotiation.

Good Faith - Believing in acts of god.

Green Belt - Real estate martial arts degree attained by knocking out the most competitors.

Gypsum - Building material used by itinerant mountain people in Romania.


Habitable - Prone to repetition.

Half-bath - Moderate clean-up before going out to look at property on Sunday mornings.

Heater - Hot disagreement that begins usually in basement and escalates throughout house.

Hot Tub - Obese broker or client who is oversexed.

House Rules - No tasting porridge, sitting in rockers or sleeping in owner’s bed.


I-beam - Long straight stare extending between buyer and engineer when structural needs are discussed.

Implied Contract - "Spend tonight with me and I'll buy you any house you want."

Incurable Depreciation - Ravages of broker's physical decline that cannot be surgically corrected.

Inheritance Tax - Small steel pins used to hold newly acquired cash against cork board.

Investment Credit - Pat on the back or public acknowledgement when you make a killing on a real estate sale.


Jeopardy - Real estate question and answer game that prepares all concerned for at-risk-rules of buying and selling.

Junior Lien - Your child hustling you for money long after age 21.


Key Lot - Large boxes of keys catalogued in broker's office.


Lally Column - Long upright prop that licks the gravitational sags in buildings and pops some stability in.

Land - To procure at low cost a piece of property.

Legal Name - Any name ending with `Esquire'.

Legal Rate of Interest - Time it takes for attorney to respond to your request that he/she represent your case.

Lot line - “You can build out and up as far as you like.”


Margin - Tiny amount of profit remaining after monies from closing are spent on debt service.

Market area -Local mall.

Meander lines - “Let’s have a beer first, then go look at the property, then have dinner.”

Mistake - Error always blamed on broker.

Minor partition - Small area of real estate office fenced off for childcare.


NAR - Negative answer in the Tennessee area.

NAA - Negative response in Virginia.

Natural resources - Trust funds.

Net yield - Catch of the day.


Off-site costs - Facials, massages, body wraps, etc.

Operating expenses - Drugs, anaesthesia, nursing staff, surgical room, etc.

Origination fee - Monies paid to attorneys for green cards.


Paper - Used to write down punch list.

Partition - Office division between commercial and residential sales.

Passive income - Monies earned from Relo referrals.

Payback period - Time for revenge.

Planning commission - The first thing brokers do after getting an offer and acceptance.

Progress statements - “He saw something he liked today”, “They might make an offer”, “They want the in-laws to see it”.

Puffing - Manner of speech of corporation cock.


Queen Anne House - Buckingham Palace.


Range lines - Architectural markings for kitchen stove.

Realist - One who understands that most showings come to naught.

Reciprocal interest - "You show me yours and I'll show you mine".

If you are interested in obtaining a copy of the entire SurReal Estate Malaproptionary, click here > PhD

Diver photograph: Glenn Gritzer.
Other Surreal Links


Paula Hollins holds the copyright to all artwork, photography, and written material on this website, unless otherwise noted.  Website design and construction by Paula Hollins and Ken Clark, November 2000.  E-mail: