Welcome to
SurReal Estate Humor

a special place at paulahollinsdesigns.com

for twisted minds and burned-out spirits.

This is the place where legal and technical terms are re-defined; you can sample some absurd poetry about the business, soon hear some tunes about the real estate sales market and more. For starters...

Have I Got a Deal for You!
and Meet...

Mary Queen of Scottsdale

Real estate sales
were the name of the game
and she was the reigning top star;
million dollar clubs
were peanuts for her,
Rolls Royce was her choice of a car.

She gobbled up land,
just threw people off it;
developed it cheaply
and reaped a huge profit.

When buyers would hesitate,
she turned mean and sour.
If they didn’t buy right away
She locked them in towers.

Not for her polished manners
and treatment spoon-fed.
At the first sign of heart change
she’d lop off a head.

SurReal Estate Malaproptionary
(A - E)
© Paula Hollins 2000

A dictionary of real estate and legal terms for the burned-out, downtrodden and hoodwinked who have ever been involved in real estate as agents, lawyers, buyers or sellers. These are excerpts from a dictionary of more than 800 words redefined humorously.


Abandonment - Everyone present for a contract signing but the buyer.

Absentee Owner - Any property holder with I.Q. under three digits

Accord - Small car driven by agents not yet able to afford Mercedes.

Acre - Necessary space for a family of six in Utah, a family of four in Eastern Suburbia, and 500,000 people in NYC.

Anchor Tenant - Tenant covered by Stabilization or Rent Control.

A.R.M. - First part of body that is twisted during real estate negotiations.

Asking Price - Amount set on property that brokers think is too high, sellers think is too low, and buyers think will be twice the final selling price.

At risk rules - Game rules in Advance Fee which govern whether or not to taste the seller’s porridge, sit in his rocking chair, or worse, sleep in his bed.


Backup Contract - Contract written in such a way that it raises everyone's hackles.

Base line - "Your property is worthless."

Bay - Sound emanating from those worn thin in real estate transactions.

Bay Window - Site at which baying occurs.

Block - Derogatory reference to buyer's or seller's head.

Blockbusting - Convincing stubborn party in real estate transaction to see your point of view.

Boring Test - Real estate licensing exam that probes deeply.

Borough - To dig a deep hole and crawl in when humiliated.


Cap - Small beret worn on head to keep brains from blowing out when interest rates rise.

Cellar - Owner of property who wishes to sell lower portion of his/her building.

Circuit Breaker - Purchaser who goes directly to seller, by-passing real estate sales agent.

Closing - Act of God.

Closing Statement - "Thank God".

Concrete - Substance in which feet of buyers and sellers get stuck.

Cratering - Act of hurling oneself from skyscraper when depressed.

Cul-de-sac - Bag in which legal contracts are carried.


Deal - Distribute cards on rental properties.

Debtor's Position - Prone.

Deed of Trust - Salesperson loaning the buyer a down payment.

Defective Title - Sir Dr. John Smith, Esq., III.

Developer - Muscle builder who converts raw land into housing.

Dummy - Same as absentee owner.


Easement - The right of one agency to trespass on another agency's exclusive property.

Egress - Escape clause that permits buyer or seller to get out of deal.

Endorsement - Broker patting self on back.

Equitable Title - “I’m OK, You’re OK”.

Estate - 500,000 acre ranch tract in Texas, 3 acre tract in Westchester County, NY, and 1500 square feet residence in NYC.

Et ux. - Eat your wife.

Execute - To end the life of a troublesome person in a deal.

Extension - Time elapsed between a bank deposit and the clearance of funds.

Other Surreal Links
More SurReal Estate Humor
After reading "More SurReal Estate Humor", if you like these glimpses and want to have the entire dictionary, click here > PhD


Paula Hollins holds the copyright to all artwork, photography, and written material on this website, unless otherwise noted.  Website design and construction by Paula Hollins and Ken Clark, November 2000.  E-mail:  info@paulahollinsdesigns.com