Musical Malaproptionary ©1986

Just a tiny sample of more than 700 re-definitions from this dictionary for dyslexics, iconoclasts and irreverent types.
Click on links for some of the 28 illustrations by Preston Vismale.


A Cappella - Mexican resort frequented by countertenors.

Allargando (It) - Slow swamp reptile whose skin is used in drum manufacture.

Altered natural minor - Your child following transexual surgery.

Appalachian Spring - Favored vacation spot of Copland.



Bagatelle - Carrying case musicians use to transport small items.

Bands - Rubber tubes used in musician’s orthodontic work.

Barcarole (Fr.) - Play acting for canines with special emphasis on vocals.

Battle music - Compositions written for Kathleen.

C - D

Callithump - Noise made when a calliope falls.

Cantor - Speed at which “Hatikvah” is sung.

Cello - Dessert eaten by Spanish musicians.

Charleston - Site of West Virginia dance-athon.

Clutsam keyboard - Jumbled arrangement of piano keys for use by European Jewry.

Descending Progression - Pit orchestra on way to seats.

Drag - Alto sax posing as a tenor sax.

E - F - G

Ear training - Useful technique when learning to barcarole.

Elegie - Allergic reaction to polonaise.

Entrance - F-hole.

Festival - Partie for Satie.

Flats - Deflated musicians' egos.

Fret - Form of stage fright experienced by musicians.

Gambang - Sexual attack upon anyone doing the gamba.

Grund - Noise made when a caliope is sat upon.

H - I

Hard rock - Stale drum rolls.

Haydn - Reclusive composer.

Ideomelon - Musical instrument played by those with IQ under 80.

Italian Overture - "Buon giorno, come va?"

J -L

Jam session - Summer fruit festival when musicians reap harvest and make jelly.

Key signature - Star Spangled Banner.

Loudspeaker - Hearing impaired orator.

M - N - O

Maraca - North African city frequented by salsa players.

Melodic minor - Child with perfect pitch.

Natural - Liza Minelli.

Orff - Beginning sounds that dogs make when learning to barcarole.

That's all folks! Just a sampling of more than 700 definitions to hopefully whet your appetite. If you are interested in further information about obtaining the complete Musical Malaproptionary, click here> PhD.



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